Freaking out

22 12 2010

I really don’t get my brain sometimes…ok most of the time. Right now I’m about to take my accounting final exam and I’m surprisingly calm. However I have panic attacks over seemingly nothing. Tuesday I showed up at my doctor’s office at 10:30. After sitting there for a few mins I started thinking that I really wasn’t supposed to be there until 10:30 on Wednesday. I could visualize myself writing “Wednesday @ 10:30” on a scrap of paper at my desk when I was making the appointment last week. Then I started playing out the scene in my mind…the one where she calls out my error in front of everyone in the waiting room. Omg I was about to have a melt down and just walk out, hoping no one would notice.

Suddenly my brain gets some oxygen and remembers that they aren’t even open on Wednesday so there’s no way it’s really the following day. What a sense of relief. I swear I do this almost every time I have an appointment or meeting. I check my calendar before I leave, at every stop light on the way there, in the parking lot before I get out of my car, in the elevator…and yet I still doubt myself until the last possible second. No idea why.

Ok actually I might know why. My brain is very easy to program. Great for remembering phone numbers and random trivia. Sucks when trying to forget a traumatic event.

The traumatic event I’m thinking about occurred in fourth grade. This was the first year we got to switch classes. I was so excited because I didn’t like my homeroom teacher. My next teacher settled us all down and started taking attendance…and I wasn’t in the list.

What do you mean I’m not on the list. Oh god, I’m in the wrong class! I have no idea if I read the number wrong or it was wrong on my paper but it didn’t matter at that point. All of the kids in the wrong class saw me leave and all the kids in my right class saw me arrive late.

Ok well that’s the end of that story because just thinking about it makes me uncomfortable.




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