not tech support…more like a practice in patience

25 08 2010

*sigh*

some lady tried to convince me that her yahoo password wouldn’t work today because the internet was broken here at the library YESTERDAY!

i finally got her to do the password reset, which she does while telling me that her ex husband must have hacked into it (you’d be surprised by the number of delusionals and conspiracy theorists that visit on a regular basis) although i’m not convinced that she doesn’t just have “fat fingers syndrome”.

now she’s resetting the security questions and is asking me to help her think of things that
she would know the answer to but he wouldn’t

_blank stare_

uh…how does she expect me to do that when i know nothing about either one of them?





Hoarding

15 08 2010

I’m watching “Hoarders” which is depressing. I think it’s mostly depressing because I’m afraid I’ll end up being like these people. I do empathize with them though. I am super emotionally attached to my stuff, probably because I am not attached to people. Fortunately I am pretty good at keeping what I have organized and too cheap to acquire a lot regularly. Maybe watching this show is good because it makes me mindful of my tendency to want to hoard.

I feel like I’m so poor sometimes that I don’t want to get rid of things because I may never have the money to replace it if I get rid of something I’ve already worked for.





I don’t even like lizards in real life

2 06 2010

I have SO MUCH in my head all of the time yet it’s hard to ever get anything on paper (blog?). I should set a schedule so that I write more regularly. Anyway I listed one thing on Etsy yesterday. The first thing ever. It was, of course, not as hard as I thought it would be. Why does my mind always think everything is going to be so hard/scary? Or that I don’t like something even though I’ve never tried it or not in a long time anyway. A simple example is food. There are so many foods that I didn’t like as a child so I have refused to eat them. Or I think I know that something is going to be slimy (I’m a huge texture in food person) so I will just avoid it. Seriously it’s just food. If I won’t try new foods then how will I ever learn to not be afraid of huge leaps, like quitting my job or anything really?

I’ve been reading Seth Godin’s blog lately. I used to read it but purged it from my reader because I thought it was fluff that didn’t apply to me. I finally added it back because I want it to apply to me. I want to be a Linchpin. I swear it’s like he’s reading my mind sometimes. But that’s good right?

My latest favorite post.

Not just my head, but your customer’s head and yes… yours.

Everyone has multiple conversations and priorities going on, competing agendas that come into play every time we make a choice about doing, buying, creating or interacting. I think these voices (and a few I missed) determine which career we choose, how good a job we do, where we shop and what we watch. Here are a few:

  • The ego–seeks applause and recognition.
  • The lizard–seeks safety, wants to fit in and not be rejected or criticized.
  • The artist–wants to be generous, creative and make positive change with impact.
  • The boxer–wants to poke and be poked, seeks revenge and ultimately victory.
  • The zombie–wants to turn off and be entertained.
  • The carpenter–seeks to do useful work, and finish it well.
  • The philanthropist–wants to help, anonymously.
  • The evangelist–wants to spread an idea.
  • And the hunter–wants to successfully track and bring down a target.

There’s a lot of overlap here, no doubt about it. Who’s winning?

Right now the lizard is winning. And the zombie is a close second. I have all of them in there, I just don’t know why it’s so hard for me to make the other ones more powerful. Maybe I need a stack of those cute rubber bracelets to remind me… “What would the Ego do?” ha. It all just sounds so simple when he says it.





A teeny bit of progress

24 05 2010

Today I officially set myself up to be a seller on Etsy. This is to motivate myself to actually do something. Now that my “shop” is open I really have to get it ready and list some items because having an empty shop is pathetic. Now that the semester is over I have Fridays off and only work until noon on Tuesdays. The plan is to use the time to make some extra money.

Actually the plan is to figure out how to support myself doing stuff I like versus having a “real job” that I hate. I like the idea of my real job but not the culture in which it exists. I like advocating for libraries but I can always do that later, on my own time. Also I’m afraid if I stay here too long I’ll get totally burnt out and never look back. Dreaming about work all night and then going to work for another nine hours is not fun for me. Besides I don’t get paid very much at my job and am used to living on almost nothing so it shouldn’t be too hard to continue living on nothing.

When I get home tonight I’m going to set up a processing center in our deserted dining room. I make all of my crafty stuff in an extra bedroom but there’s not much room for anything else in there at this point. I need somewhere to take pictures of things and then box then up for shipping later. Hmm…I should look for some cheap bookcases at garage sales so I can keep everything organized.

I also have to figure out how to not let myself get distracted by the dvr, laundry and the rest…





Evil Cupcake

17 05 2010

I weighed myself this morning and realized that I’ve once again reached a new “fattest I’ve ever been” weight.  I wish I knew why the first thing I thought about was the plate of cupcakes on the kitchen counter downstairs. Also I would like to know how to turn it off.

I have an appointment in a few weeks for my annual physical and will be asking for a new anti-depressant. I’m starting to feel like I did when I tried to wean myself off of it about six months ago. Bad Idea.

Can’t focus. Overwhelmed. Ruminating. Messed up dreams. Snapping at people for no reason. Always thinking about food. Would love to just stay in bed all day. Feeling guilty about all the things I should be doing.

You know…





To complain or not to complain?

6 05 2010

I feel like all I ever do is complain. I wish I had something important to say instead. I have all these ideas written down that I have been thinking about but I always end up talking about random day-to-day activities. I know no one wants to hear this shit because I don’t even like reading people’s Facebook posts when they just use them as a log book. “On my way out to meet the girls for drinks.” Who are the “girls” and why mention that you are going out but not even mention where, which might interest me remotely. Ok I’m done with that tangent for now.

Now that the semester is over I’ll try to spend more than 2 minutes on a post. I was just writing one but I accidentally closed the window and apparently it hadn’t saved it as a draft yet. It’s ok I guess.

This picture isn’t really relevant but…I don’t care.





28 04 2010

Blah. I’m having a shitty day. I have two final papers due on Sunday, and an exam next Wednesday and then I’m done with the semester. We weren’t required to attend lecture this morning (only two group presentations) so I didn’t go. Did I go to work early so that I could make up the hours I skipped last Friday to work for my dad? No. Did I work on any of my papers? No. I slept until one and finally dragged my ass to work around three. Now I’m going to have to work on Saturday although I should be working on my papers since I won’t have much time in the evenings so now that basically leaves me with Sunday. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. every time I wait until the last possible minute, turn in (or not) some sub-par work and swear that I’ll start earlier next time. Yet somehow I never do.

I just feel like my body is so heavy today. Well work is almost over and then I’m headed home for dinner.